Saturday, October 12, 2013

Tides, depths, and navigating these seas...

I imagine (and hope) that there will be day when I can explain to Meara that I am sorry for the mistakes I've made as parent.  For all the times I've gotten frustrated with her for not paying attention or for not listening.  There is that deep divide.  The one that spells out the fact that she isn't sleeping at night and therefore has a tired brain during the day.  The fact that the medications she is on are designed to slow her brain down.  Then there is me…perfectly imperfect me.  The dad who loses it and makes demands of my daughter that should normally be made…"you need to be a better listener", "You need to be better behaved in the store"…you know, all of the things that we try to do in order to avoid looking like inept parents out in public.

I imagine (and hope) that there will be a day when I can sit down with Meara and apologize.  Apologize for all of the times that I let her down.  Apologize for all the times that I forgot that she has been through more than any child really deserves and that she continues on a daily basis to defy the odds.  That she is a warrior princess who has built this beautiful life from what seems to be sometimes…falling embers and scattered debris.  

She is our warrior princess.  I hope that there will be a day when I can sit with her across the table sharing coffee and explain to her that I love her more than words will ever be able to capture.  And that I'm sorry for all of the times that I got it wrong.  And to acknowledge the difficulty in this journey for all us.

She is our warrior princess…

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