Ask Megan. It's been quite some time since I've written. Part of it is that I need solitude. I need to pursue the truth that there is something bigger than me. This journey, this space, whatever it is that you want to call it, this place that I inhabit…it is all demanding, relentless, and filled with grace.
Meara is evidence that a life worth living is a life where you aren't afraid to get your ass kicked. I'm not really speaking of her, she kicks epilepsy's ass every day. What I mean is that she teaches me that I should be vulnerable and authentic everyday. With that comes failure, falling down, imperfection, and wait for it…grace.
I miss writing. I need to pursue this idea that I am not in control. I need to explore in depth the notion that "the more I learn, the less I know." I spoke with a friend today and I said that I'll never be the same person I was before. She said that of course you won't be. You are becoming the person that you are meant to be now. It is difficult to say goodbye to the old me.
I'm not interested in rules. I'm not interested in expectations, achievement, accolades, success, blah, blah, blah. I only care about connectedness. I care about love. I care about compassion. I care about grace and redemption. I care about being around people who are willing to have their ass kicked and talk about it. I am interested in knowing the real struggle. An authentic life filled with bravery, courage, and feelings. I want to think less and feel more.
I'm not really interested in feedback. I am interested in truth. I am interested in the pursuit of truth, compassion, and grace. I won't fake it anymore. I can't.
Meara's Brave Journey. When I titled this blog about her journey with epilepsy I wasn't thinking about my own bravery, Megan's own bravery, maybe your own bravery. But really, that's what this is all about. All of our bravery. Our willingness to commit to vulnerability and acknowledge the adversity, the loss, the risk of sharing our emotions and inner depths.
Sanctuary. Connecting. Believing. Resilience. It's all right here. Are you interested?
Aaron, I am right there with you....with every word you have written. What you are searching for I found in Al-Anon. When I am with my recovery friends, we have exactly what you describe. I remember walking into my first Al-Anon meeting and exclaiming to myself - "I have finally found REAL church!" Authenticity, not giving advice, acceptance, telling the truth, lots and lots of grace and love, compassion, courage, and safety - knowing that whatever we share from the depths of our hearts stays in the room. How privileged I am to have such a network of connection with those who practice real, unconditional love. It's a beautiful thing. Onward and forward, Aaron!
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